I want everybody to raise
your right or left hand
Now
Repeat after me
no fucking way
crowd (no fucking way)
am I going to die
crowd (am I going to die)
in Exxons war
crowd (in Exxons war)
Thank you I am holding you all to that
since you all did that pledge
I will tell you a story
This is the story of the Best Thanksgiving EVER !

Once apon a time in the land of Thorndale, Pennsylvania
Which is about thirty miles from here
there lived a little boy, named Timmy.
And Timmy was very saddddd Ahhhhh.
Why was Timmy said you might ask
(crowd)WHy-
I had a feeling you might ask that
Timmy was sad because
every Thanksgiving the adults
would get to eat at the big Adult table
And timmy had to eat at a crappy little card table
with his asshole cousinents George and Georgette
Booooo !
George and Georgette would drool constanly
aahhh thats beautiful-
Would Drool constantly and they would wear their New Kids On the block t-shirts
Timmy went in to wash his hands
Were he was very cleanliness
like all us
show me your hands
keep showing your hands
keep them on the board there we go, keep
good these are very clean hands very nice
You need to scrap behind down this one finger
but other than that
Very Clean Very Clean All of you Very Good
Timmy washed his hands for a half a hour
His asshole family couldn't wait
So they started to eat Thanksgiving dinner, without him !
Booooo-
(What are you doing-)
When Timmy came out from washing his hands
He found every member of his family
Rolling on the floor in great Pain and Agony
Mom and dad were on the floor in agony
Grandpa , Grandma , aunts, uncles
even george and georgette
they were all vomiting and bleeding out there noses and ears
and they were saying Oh help us Timmy
help us Dial 911

But Timmy knew two things
First, he knew 911 was a joke
for Timmy was a memeber of Public Enemy!
(no your too white to interpurt Public Enemy)
He also knew that they were all suffering
from Salmonella poisoning !
Because the family turkey had been kept
in the trunk of the family car
For Two Weeks !
Let us hear it for the Salmonella bacteria !!!
Invisable, invisable to the human eye
Yet it is the hero of our story
Timmy watch them all die
One by one
First mom and dad died
Grandpa and grandma
aunts and uncles died
and finally his dweeb cousins
George and Georgette died
yeaaaaahhhhh--

Timmy went to the adult table
He sat down the head of the adult table
and although he could not eat any turkey
cause it was tainted with food poisoning
he was able to have candy yams
he was able to have corn on the cobb
he was able to have butter beans (switch it for me now)
he was able to have all that stuff
And for Timmy this was truely the
Best Thanksgiving Everrrr !!

what can we learn from Timmy?
absoultely nothing. I can't think of a damn thing
But it was a good story,, Wasn't it ?

And they had a car in it
The family car
if you remember where the turkey was kept for two weeks
Was A Bitchin' Camarooooo